Study Notes, Womanhood, Women in the Bible

A Woman with Initiative

Julie / February 24, 2015

On the one hand, I am staunchly complementarian.  I don’t believe women should teach or have authority over men, or even speak in church.  I believe women should consider themselves positionally beneath (i.e. “submissive”) to their husbands.  I believe those four things are very clear in Scripture.

But I also think there are some nuances in Scripture that get confused with our cultural traditions of patriarchy—in short, that the patriarchy of 16th century France and the patriarchy of Scripture may not be the same thing, but it can be hard for us to sort out.

In particular, I find it hard to understand Deborah being a judge, and hard to understand Abigail blatantly going against what she knew would have been the wishes of her husband, if he had had the chance to contradict her.  But she knew he would be displeased.

Today I read and noticed another such story, one I had read but not really thought about: 2 Samuel 20.  This man named Sheba has decided to rebel against David, and Joab is sent to quench the rebellion and destroy, apparently, the entire town of Abel.

Now—first of all, David is clearly in the right here.  Sheba was evil and wicked and it was entirely correct to destroy him.  Secondly, there’s a whole town involved, with plenty of elders and men to step up and do the right thing.  The “leadership,” apparently, made the executive decision to twiddle their thumbs.

But, enter this unnamed woman, who we only know as “a wise woman.” (v. 16).  While Joab is trying to break down the walls of the city, she—and she alone—calls out.  “Listen! Listen! Please tell Joab to come here and let me speak with him.”

And Joab listened.  And she made an argument, a very neat, concise, persuasive argument.  She let him know that there were faithful people in the city, and reminded him of the importance of the city, both presently and historically, and theologically.  Her words are rebuking and even harsh: “Why would you devour YHWH’s inheritance?”

She got Joab’s attention, and he protested: “Never! I do not want to destroy!”  And he offers her a solution—deliver Sheba, and the city will be spared.

This is a woman he’s bargaining with.  A woman who responds by promising him Sheba’s head.

So what does she do?  Does she go to her husband and say, hey, tell the elders about this, get them to make a decision so we can abide by it?

Nope.  This woman, who the Bible declares to be wise, goes straight to “all the people” and offers “her wise counsel” (v. 22).  They listen to her, cut off Sheba’s head, and throw it over the wall to Joab, who promptly retreats and goes back to David.  Disaster averted.

There are many things here that are both encouraging and perplexing.  Scripture seems quite clear that the woman was wise and correct, both in her character and in her actions here.  And yet she is very avidly arguing with men: first Joab, then the men of her city.  She is contradicting authority, both Joab (in his authority to destroy the city), and the city rulers (by not waiting on them to approach Joab, and not going to them first to ask them to give up Sheba).  She makes arguments and gives counsel—to men!—not suggestions and obeisance.  She is single-handedly responsible for pushing them to cut off Sheba’s head.

Now, what she doesn’t do is try to usurp authority.  She doesn’t remind one of Jezebel.  Like Abigail, and Deborah, when the men are willing to do what ought to be done, she fades into the background and we never hear tell of her again.  She works by persuasion and arguments, not force or unjust threats.

She’s an excellent example of bold biblical womanhood, womanhood that takes initiative, makes persuasive arguments, is not daunted, and whose wisdom is not hidden under a bushel, but ably helps all those around her, even a whole town and a king, for the glory of God.


On headcoverings

To begin with, the Scripture (1 Corinthians 11:2-16, HCSB):

Now I praise you because you always remember me and keep the traditions just as I delivered them to you. 3 But I want you to know that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of the woman, and God is the head of Christ. 4 Every man who prays or prophesies with something on his head dishonors his head. 5 But every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, since that is one and the same as having her head shaved. 6 So if a woman’s head is not covered, her hair should be cut off. But if it is disgraceful for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, she should be covered.

7 A man, in fact, should not cover his head, because he is God’s image and glory, but woman is man’s glory. 8 For man did not come from woman, but woman came from man. 9 And man was not created for woman, but woman for man.10 This is why a woman should have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. 11 In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, and man is not independent of woman. 12 For just as woman came from man, so man comes through woman, and all things come from God.

13 Judge for yourselves: Is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head uncovered? 14 Does not even nature itself teach you that if a man has long hair it is a disgrace to him, 15 but that if a woman has long hair, it is her glory?For her hair is given to her as a covering. 16 But if anyone wants to argue about this, we have no other custom, nor do the churches of God.

Now, the very clear teaching is in v 6: she should be covered.

Covered When?

It is largely uncontroversial that this is talking about corporate worship.  Verse five specifies “prays or prophesies,” and it is here that the best argument against headcovering is founded: that women only need to have their heads covered while speaking aloud in church.   That, however, makes the whole passage pointless because Paul also forbids women to speak in church.  So… what can it mean?  I think it is better to read it in the context of church life (as the entire passage is) and leave the question of whether women are prophesying out loud or not in church to a different discussion.

  • it can’t mean to cover always  because it gives a single context—when praying or prophesying
  • it can’t mean to cover only when speaking  formally in worship because then why bother mentioning it at all
    My thought is that either this means quiet prayer / participatory prayer, or else maybe the early church was less formal and people were speaking to each other.  But I think this has nothing to do with the headcovering question, rather the issue of “women prophesying” at all, and how that looked in corporate worship, and it’s better to separate the question and say, whatever was proper for women to do in church, they should be covered.

    Paul’s arguments

    The passage is straightforward, but essentially, Paul argues:

    1. This is a tradition.  Verse 2.  There is scant biblical evidence but firm Talmudic evidence that headcovering was the de facto Jewish tradition and law.  This is what converted Jews would have done.  At any rate, by the time Paul is explaining it, it’s a tradition of the Church.
    2. This is an example of headship.  Verse 3-5.  Christ is the head of man, man is the head of woman.  It is dishonoring to man’s head to cover it (man’s head is Christ); it is dishonoring to woman’s head to not cover it (woman’s head is man).
    3. To be uncovered in church is the same as to shave your head.  Verses 5-6.  It is “disgraceful,” Paul says.  More on this below.
    4. Because of Creation: men should not cover their heads because they are God’s image and glory, but woman is man’s glory.  Verse 7. It shows the created order and purpose (woman was made for man).
    5. As a symbol of authority: verse 10: this is why headcoverings.  It’s to show the authority of the man over the woman, and to show (in men) the authority that the man has.
    6. Because of the angels.  Verse 10.  Nobody knows what this means.  That’s really the bottom line.  Some people suggest that it’s talking about modesty, either because of the bad angels (cf. Genesis 6) or to not tempt the good angels (see Ecclesiastes 5:6).  Another possibility is that the practice of covering is in imitation of the angels, Isaiah 6:1.  Another possibility is based on a few verses (and a lot of tradition) that suggest the angels are present (witnessing) in corporate worship, and that consequently doing things properly is even more important… but really, nobody has a clue what this means.
    7. Because nature teaches it.  Verses 13-15.  Nature teaches that women need a covering beyond what men have.
    8. Because it is a tradition.  Verse 16.  This verse is often misinterpreted, but this seems to be the best understanding: don’t argue with everything I just said, because this is what everybody in the churches of God does.  This is our custom.

    The Two Coverings

    This is the essence of one of the most confusing aspects of the passage—the “hair” covering and the “wear a covering” covering.  Throughout Paul appeals to the natural reality of women having long hair, and some get confused and say that the long hair is the covering he refers to.

    This does not, however, make sense.

    Fundamentally, it doesn’t make sense because the Greek word in 15—“her hair is given to her as a peribolaion”—is not the same Greek word used in verse 6—“she should be katakalupto.”  They mean two different things.  Paul could have used the same root for each but chose not to.  This misunderstanding never could have arisen from reading the Greek, because the key point doesn’t match up.  Paul commands that women be katakalupto but long hair is a periobolaion.

    Even on the surface, though, the passage makes no sense if we understanding “long hair” to be adequate covering.  Substitute “long hair” in place of “covered” and it disintegrates.  Verse 5-6:

    But every woman who prays or prophesies with [shaved hair] dishonors her head, since that is one and the same as having her head shaved.  So if a woman’s head is [shaved], her hair should be cut off. But if it is disgraceful for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, she should [have long hair].

    I think what Paul is trying to say in this passage is that there are two coverings.  There is one covering, long hair, which is recognized even by natural man, and which is God’s gracious gift to women everywhere as a natural sign of femininity (and in turn, submission).  This teaches us even in our wretched state that women should be “covered” with long hair.  In the church, however, when we are approaching the things of God—and woman is the glory of man, not of God (verse 7)—there is another covering required, because in worship of God, it is proper to veil the glory of man.

    When Paul says, then, “every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, since that is one and the same as having her head shaved” (verse 5), I think he means head uncovered in church is the same thing as having no hair outside of church.  I.e., lacking the proper covering for the proper context (lacking a covering for church, lacking long hair outside church).

    Objection: it’s just cultural.

    There are a few different ways people intend this objection.  The first, is that the Bible is not culturally inerrant, is used likewise to dismiss the passages about homosexuality, women speaking in the church, etc., so I’m not even going to bother with it.  We can’t dismiss the passage simply as no longer relevant.

    Which brings us to the first legitimate question, which is, is the specific expression of the principle here merely cultural?  I.e., why not just wear wedding rings?

    Well, I think the answer to this is in Paul’s if in verse 6: “if it is disgraceful… she should be covered.”  And one might argue that it is no longer disgraceful for women to have short hair, but I think that argument is folly and degeneracy.  It still makes news when celebrities shave their heads, or even get ultra-feminine pixie cuts.  Chemo patients buy wigs, or wear scarves—if they’re women.  Men don’t wear wigs and certainly don’t wear scarves to cover their baldness.  I think Paul’s if is still answered with a “yes,” political correctness aside.

    Secondly, our culture doesn’t have a parallel expression to fall back on: wedding rings are only for currently-married women and… men.  Paul is fundamentally talking about a symbol of gender here.

    I can see the argument that skirts might apply, but then we have the problem that skirts have nothing to do with heads (whereas the meaning of headcoverings clearly connects the metaphorical headship with literal heads), and don’t actually cover anything.  If Paul meant “the women should dress like women,” he surely could have said so, and then in cultures that practiced headcovering, there would be headcovering, and in cultures that wore skirts, there would be skirts.  But he made a very explicit argument based on headship, and cemented his argument by saying that women already have one sort of covering on their heads—long hair.

    Further, Paul’s arguments have not a word about culture: he bases it on tradition, Creation, the angels, and nature.  None of which have changed.

    In other words, every single thing in the passage points to it being culturally transcendent.

    Further, while evidence is unsure, it seems the practice of Corinth was not to cover their heads.  Paul was teaching something contrary to Corinthian culture.

    OBJECTION: It’s only mentioned in this one passage.

    I really don’t understand this objection, but it’s common.

    What difference does it make?  It’s fifteen verses of clarity.  Maybe the Corinthian church was the only one sufficiently un-Jewish to have not already had and known the tradition.  Or whose native culture didn’t practice headcovering.  Or maybe by the time the other letters were written (only 1-2 Thessalonians were earlier), word had gotten around.  Who knows?  This isn’t one vague verse to build a doctrine on; it’s a entire coherent argument with multiple supporting points.

    Objection: It’s not clear what “covering” means.

    More precisely, the difficulty is that “covered” seems to possibly mean completely covered, like a burqa, which then would contradict Paul’s prohibition on “e.g. braided hair,” which implies that hair was visible.

    I think it is sensible to admit that there is legitimate confusion here, as on the “women prophesy in church?” question.  But the confusion doesn’t infringe on the question of whether or not “head covering” is necessary, only what it should look like.

    Except for the possibility of “because of the angels,” no part of Paul’s argument appeals to modesty:

    • none of his premises are based on modesty
    • modesty would not sensibly stop applying when outside the church
    • if covering the hair was what Paul had in mind (for modesty’s sake), then it would not make sense to call uncovered long hair a “covering” as in verse 15.

    Thus,   it seems most sensible to me to view this passage chiefly as saying women need to have “authority” on their heads, as symbolism, not modesty.

    Moreover, the word argument is a poor one: the word is used frequently in the Septuagint and seems to be used just as “covering,” even if the etymology would seem to indicate something severe.  (And it never refers, incidentally, to hair).  This is a detailed overview, although I don’t know the veracity of the source.

    Historical practice

    Finally, while it has no impact on the text, it’s worth noting that headcovering has been the universal practice of the Christian church from the beginning until the 20th century, and continues today in many countries and many denominations and even other religions (Mennonite, Amish, Brethren, Catholic, Orthodox, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, etc.).

    The historical practice makes it hard to sort out what commentators “would have” thought in a different cultural setting, but there’s no doubt that they held headcoverings were exactly what the passage is teaching, as this blog post ably shows.


How-To: Sew Children’s Pilgrim Costumes for less than $5

Julie / October 25, 2013


Please excuse the unironed costumes.  I didn’t want to wait until Halloween to take the pictures for my quasi-tutorial here, but today turned out to be very, very chaotic.  You can still totally get the point, I think. ;)  I should also add that I can’t tie bows for anything, and someone else will have to tie them on Halloween so they aren’t sticking out everywhere!  Haha.

I thought it would be really cool for the children to dress up as pilgrims (and Squanto) for Halloween this year—there are many qualities of the pilgrims and Puritans that I find very imitable for young children, and thought dressing up as such would raise their curiosity in a rather good historical subject—and pilgrim costumes are not very hard to find on Amazon.  But even at the relatively affordable costume prices, with four children, we were looking at $80-$100 for costumes that were made of cheap material, which would tear easily and not make good additions to the dress-up bin.  I just couldn’t quite bring myself to do it!

Then, after I started trying to figure out how to make them myself, I realized that pilgrim costumes must not be a very common DIY, because I could find very little information on Pinterest or elsewhere on how to make… anything.  I was hoping for a bonnet pattern.  A collar pattern.  Anything.  Nada.

I eventually found this page from Plimoth Plantation on what pilgrims actually wore (most specifically, that they didn’t particularly wear black), and this page for a simple, more-accurate-than-most-costumes bonnet (pilgrims don’t seem to have worn the frilly brimmed or gathered bonnets that they are often depicted with now).  I was afraid, however, that if I dressed them like completely accurate pilgrims, then no one would realize they were supposed to be pilgrims at all.  And that’s no fun for kids.  So I decided: no black, because I had no idea what I would do with black dresses after Halloween was over; and I would do the simple bonnet, and make the “simple” theme a pervasive one and an opportunity to talk about dressing as for God and not for man or fashion; but otherwise I would somewhat loosely abide by modern ideas of pilgrims, i.e., the bib-type collar, the stark white, the slight flare on the bonnet, the buckles on the (anachronistic) boy pilgrim hat, and so on.

I also ordered a Native American costume for our Squanto.  I figured making three pilgrim costumes would be quite enough for a somewhat last-minute dash!

Bearing all that in mind, practically, I wanted to write down somewhat what I did, in case someone else out there would also like to make a non-paper pilgrim costume for their child! 🙂

DSC06307Girls: the dresses
The need was for a long-sleeve dress, which is surprisingly hard to find a pattern for, and also something quick-ish, because I didn’t want to spend a lot of time sewing a dress in a plain color that was unlikely to be “pretty” enough for everyday wear.  I soon settled on a peasant-style yoke, which are soooooo easy, but they tend to be a bit poofy and unfitted and I thought it might be worth a little extra effort to find a pattern that would be a bit more tightly drawn (and useful for making other dresses in the future that weren’t destined for the dress-up bin).  I finally settled on the Molly Peasant Dress, which cost me $10.  Although I could have made a regular peasant dress for free, I think it was a good decision; the Molly takes very little fabric (the entire pink dress is made from one single curtain panel) and is indeed more fitted, and I look forward to using it for more dresses in the future! I think the cap sleeve version (which is included) is really cute. I made the brown dress mostly according to the pattern, DSC06337with a $2 sheet from the Goodwill store, and long sleeves with elastic at the bottom (as per the pattern).  I made the pink dress (from a $2 curtain) without a lot of the “tack in place” sewing (which is to say, when the pattern said straight-stitch and then finish the edges, as two separate steps, I just serged it all in one), and cuffed the sleeves instead of elasticizing them.  Now, here’s the huge caveat with this pattern: pilgrim dresses definitely should not be high-waisted. I had originally planned to make a vest-like cover of the same fabric, ideally with buttons, to make it more realistic, but once I actually tried the dress on the girls, I think the giant pilgrim collar distracts from the high waist and that it’s fine for a Halloween costume.

Girls: the bonnets
DSC06317DSC06331All the white stuff was made from a single large new 99¢ sheet from Ikea.  Doesn’t get any cheaper than that! And it’s an extremely cheap sheet, so the fabric is rough and “matches” the pilgrim milieu. I followed the general idea for bonnets in the post I linked above, basically measured the girls’ heads side-to-side, to made sure my DSC06318rectangle was adequately wide, and then folded the brim back (and basted it down, except for about two inches on each side, so that it would flare out as seems more typical with pilgrim costume bonnets) with it on the girls’ actual heads.  I didn’t include side ties because they don’t seem historically accurate.  The bonnets were fundamentally very easy.


DSC06307Girls: the aprons
DSC04284Aprons are soooo easy.  Especially the ones from this era, which are basically giant rectangles.  I had made pretty much identical ones for their colonial costumes in February, but those had been eyelet lace (which doesn’t fit with the pilgrim-simplicity theme, obviously) and since aprons are so easy, and I had the fabric already, I made two new ones.  I should say at this point that the outfits as a whole, including the aprons, are rather less poofy and full-skirted than a lot of depictions.  I’m not sure which is more historically accurate.  If I had it to do over, though, I would have added some extra yardage to the skirts of both the dresses and the aprons, so the skirts would look more like the colonial ones did.


DSC06322Girls: the collars
And here we come to the part I really struggled with!  Again, what is historically accurate seems quite broad, but mostly it seems like there weren’t these extraneous giant white things hanging around their necks for no obvious reason.  But this also seemed to me to be a key to making the kids look like pilgrims to random viewers, since it is so much a part of our modern conception.  So I made collars.  I couldn’t find a pattern for these at all, so I made my own:


You can download it—click the picture.  There are lots of extra lines, obviously; think about what your collar will look like (round or elongated) before you decide which lines to cut! Children’s necks are not very differently sized in diameter, so I was able to use the center hole unaltered for everybody from my 1-year-old to my 5-year-old. (It looks big on the one-year-old, but that’s actually an optical illusion because his shirt is a turtleneck.) You can easily add extra seam allowance on the outside lines for wider shoulders, and cut the inside hole a teeny bit bigger (or just sew with a deeper seam allowance) for older kids.  I did the circle collar for our boy pilgrim and the elongated one for the girls; if I had more time / less costumes, I considered doing buttons down the front… I ended up doing ribbon ties at the top instead.  The really easy thing would have been to cut these out of white felt or fleece, single-layer, no sewing.  But I didn’t have white felt and have been too busy/tired to go to the store to get some!  So instead I used my reliable old sheet, cut two layers, sewed them together around all the edges (leaving a hole on the inside back of the neck area to turn), turned them right side, top-stitched all around, and sewed up the hole.  I should have left the hole at the end of one of the straight parts of the collar to turn, and then been able to tuck it back inside, and top-stitch, all very neatly.  Live and learn!

DSC06291Boy: the outfit
Since I was dealing with a one-year-old, and dress-up is pretty meaningless at that age… I hunted and found a plain black shirt and plain black pants out of his drawer.  That said, you could make a peasant type shirt and simple elastic pants, if there are no plain clothes in your boy’s drawer.  Lose the ruffles and the skirts and they’re workable enough boy patterns, especially if you used a drawstring tie on the shirt instead of elastic. :)  For Halloween, I need to find him some kind of belt!  And tall white knee socks.

Boy: the collar
DSC06298The same as the girls’, but in the fully round version.  And I left both ends open to turn it right-side, and then tucked the ends in at an angle before top-stitching so that there is a bit more of an upside-down V shape at the front.  This is much easier than the bib style I did for the girls.

DSC06338Boy: the hat
This was an ADVENTURE, let me tell you!  I’ve never made a hat and couldn’t find anything remotely like instructions or a pattern online.  Nothing.  I finally decided to just go for it and see how it turned out.  This was an attempt at a fully stereotypical pilgrim hat, not an actual in-any-way-accurate one…

First I made the tall part.  (See, I’m so hat-ignorant I don’t even know what that’s called.  The non-brim.)  I measured my kiddo’s head, about where a hat would seem to fall, cut a piece of felt a little bigger than that (and what seemed a good height, in the other direction), serged it up the side, and stuck it on his head.  Felt stretches a little, and it fit.  Obstacle one complete; I now had a big black tube that fit snugly on my son’s head.  But how to get the brim and the shaping?  DSC06342Shaping:  I experimented a little and kept sticking it on the poor child’s head to test, but since it’s black, just for Halloween, and he’s a baby, I think it’s good enough by far.  You can see what I ended up with (right, picture of the hat inside out), and when it’s right-side I kind of punch it down on top a bit and round it out to make it look even a little better.  If he wasn’t going to outgrow it right away, I think this could be a pretty decent way to go about it, and add some starch or something to keep it from folding flat.  Of course the great thing to do here—which was way too much trouble for me—is to make a proper cone with a tiny circle for the top, like a birthday hat with the very top part cut off and replaced with a flat piece.  Brim: I suggest using actual math for this step.  If you fold the tube flat, measure, and double, you have a circumference, which you can use to find the diameter of the circle you should cut for the inside of the brim.  Add about six inches (three all around) more to get the diameter to use for the outside of the brim.  I didn’t use math, DSC06341because I wasn’t near a calculator.  Trial and error also worked but it was a lot more work!  Anyway, you’re going for a shape pretty much like the collar shape, except without a cut down the middle—you want a solid, flat, wide ring.  I should also add that the little felt rectangles at the store will not be big enough, you want felt by the yard, which is quite cheap but I’ve only found at an actual fabric store.  Then turn your hat-top right side and slide the brim over the end of it, matching the inside of your newly-cut felt ring with the right side of the hat-top-tube.  If you’ve done the math right, this will lay flat with no gathers or folds (see right, the fabric to the right of the seam, and under the seam, is flat).  Pin as much as necessary (I’m not a fan of pinning, DSC06339and even I used four!) and stitch around, continuing to make sure fabric lays flat.  Buckle: This doesn’t really need instructions, but I was pretty pleased with how it turned out for as simple as it was.  It’s just a piece of tan felt with two slits cut in it, and then a long strip of the white fabric sewn into a belt and made to fit just above the rim.  Easy.  Again, white felt would have been even easier.  Also, glue would have been easier.  One last thing: The brim is really floppy.  It would look better stiffer.  I think this might could be accomplished with schoolglue-and-water-mixture, or spray starch, but I haven’t yet experimented to figure out which.  It would also work to cut it down to less width.

Boy: the cuffs
DSC06298Again with the sheet; I just made two simple white rectangles, turned right side, and then basted the center of them over the center (inside) seam of his shirt sleeves, at the very bottom.  They are actually sewn on, until after Halloween.  Then the “cuffs” open on the outside, where you can see them, and are pinned so they make a V rather like the collar.

The great conclusion:
Three Halloween costumes, including a fairly pricey pattern that I’ll be able to use in the future, and fabric (about 75% of which I didn’t even need, and folded back up for future projects): $15.  Less than the single costume I decided to buy for Squanto. :)  If I hadn’t bought the pattern, this would have been 3 costumes for $5 total.


Mothering, Old Wisdom, Wifehood

Duty of Parents to Children

Julie / November 26, 2012

Part Two of Julie attempting to make the Puritans more accessible to other sleepy mommies. (See Duty to Wives for a much wordier prelude.)  This is another piece from John Bunyan’s Christian Behavior.

If you are a parent—a father, or a mother—then you must consider your calling as a believer in light of that fact.  Your children have souls, and they must be born of God as well as born of you, or they will perish.  Further, unless you are very careful in your behavior to them and in front of them, they may perish because of you: this thought should provoke you to both instruct them and to correct them.

Instruct them as the Scripture says

To “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord,” and to do this diligently, “when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise” (Ephesians 6:4, Deuteronomy 6:7).  To this end:

  • Use terms and words that are easy to understand.  Don’t talk in pretentious flowery language; that will drown your children.  God spoke thus easily to His children (Hosea 12:10) and Paul to his (1 Corinthians 3:2).
  • Be careful not to fill their heads with imaginative and unprofitable things, for this will teach them to be imprudently bold and proud, rather than sober and humble.  Talk to them about the innate sinfulness of man; talk to them about sin, death, and hell; of a crucified Savior, and the promise of life through faith: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).
  • Fill all your instruction with gentleness and patience, “lest they become discouraged” (Colossians 3:21). And,
  • Work to convince them by reasonable discussion, that the things you teach them are not fables but realities: not only that, but realities so far above what we can enjoy here, that all things, even if they were a thousand times better than they are, are still not worthy to be compared with the glory and worthiness of the things of God.  Isaac was so holy in front of his children, that when his son Jacob remembered God, he remembered Him as “the Fear of his father Isaac” (Genesis 31:53).  When children can think of their parents, and bless God for that instruction and good they have received from them, it is not only profitable for children, but also an honor and comfort to parents: “The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice; he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him” (Proverbs 23:24-25).

The duty of correction

  • See if fair words will win them from evil.  This is God’s way with His children (Jeremiah 25:4, 5).
  • Let the words you speak to them in correction be sober, few, and pertinent, always adding some relevant sentence of Scripture; for instance, if they lie, then something like Revelation 21:8, 27; or if they refuse to hear the Word, something like 2 Chronicles 25:14-16.
  • Take care that they not be friends with those who are rude and ungodly, rather, with soberness show them a continual dislike of their naughtiness, and often cry out to them, as God did of old to His children, “Oh, do not do this abomination that I hate!” (Jeremiah 44:4)
  • Mix everything you say with such love, pity, and a spirit of anxiousness, that as much as possible, you may convince them that your dislike is not of their person, but of their sin.  This is God’s way (Psalm 99:8).
  • Constantly try to impress upon them the day of their death and the judgment to come.  Thus God also deals with His (Deuteronomy 32:29).
  • If you are driven to physical punishment, be cautious and clear-headed, soberly showing them a) their fault; b) how contrary it is to your heart to deal with them in that fashion, c) that you do what you do out of conscience to God and in love of their souls, and d) telling them, that if they could have been won over by any other way, that the severe punishment would not have been.  In all this you will be sure to not only afflict their bodies, but also their hearts, and since it is the way God deals with His children, it is the most likely to accomplish the desired goal.
  • Pray. Follow all this with prayer for them, and leave the issue to God: “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him” (Proverbs 22:15).

Things to avoid

  • Be sure that the sin which you try to correct is not one they learned from you.  Many children learn the sins of their parents, the very sins for which the parents beat and chastise.
  • Be careful not to smile at them for small faults, and encourage them, so that your behavior will not be an encouragement to them to commit even greater sins.
  • Don’t use unsavory and ugly words in your correction of them, such as railing at them, calling them names, and so on: this is of the devil.
  • Don’t mix chiding and threatening words with lightness and laughter: this will harden their hearts.  Don’t correct them too long or too often, but be relevant and very serious.
Mothering, Old Wisdom, Wifehood

The Duty of Wives

Julie / November 24, 2012

John Bunyan’s Christian Behavior is a marvelously useful little work.  Unfortunately, it is also hundreds of years old and difficult to read.  Here I attempt to modernize the most immediately relevant part, and I hope to continue and add on some of the other parts.  I have had to add phrases here and there and try to simplify some things, because I think Bunyan’s assumptions of his audience’s foreknoweledge is different and inaccurate for today’s audience, and I have also changed the Scripture text to the modern ESV (modernizing the old English seemed pointless when we have our own even more accurate translation available).  But I’ve tried to understand and put forth what Bunyan intended to communicate as accurately as my grasp of English allows, without adding or taking away anything on my own.  Let me only add that there is some very useful advice hiding in the “Objections” section even for us whose situation is far from objectionable.

First, let me speak to the wives.  The wife is bound by Scripture to her husband, as long as he lives (Romans 7:2).  Therefore her work and place is in the family.

Let me discuss the things which the wife should conscientiously observe in the way she treats her husband.

She must look upon him as her head and lord.

“The head of a wife is her husband” (1 Corinthians 11:3), and so Sarah called Abraham lord (1 Peter 3:6).

She should therefore be subject to him, as is fit in the Lord.

Paul says, “wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22; 1 Peter 3:1; Colossians 3:18).  As I said earlier [in a different section of the book], if the husband walks toward his wife in a becoming manner, he will be an ordinance of God to her, in addition to the relation of a husband, that will show her how Christ loves His church.  Similarly, if the wife walks with her husband in a becoming manner, she will preach the obedience of the church to her husband. “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands” (Ephesians 5:24).

Run away from these evil tendencies:

A wandering and gossiping spirit.

      This is evil in the church, and it is also evil in a wife, because she is the figure of a church.  Christ loves to have his spouse keep at home, i.e. to be with him in the faith and practice of His things – not to be ranging and meddling with the things of Satan.  So, too, wives should not be prone to wandering and gossiping outside their home.  Proverbs 7:11 says, “She is loud and wayward; her feet do not stay at home.”  Wives should be about their husbands’ business at home, as Paul says, let them “be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands.”  Why?  So “that the word of God may not be reviled” (Titus 2:5).

An idle, talking, or squabbling tongue.

      This is an odious habit in all women, married or not, if they behave like parrots and do not control their tongues.  But the wife, who knows that her husband is her lord and over her just as Christ is over the church, should control her tongue.  Do you think it is good for the church to ramble and repeat nonsense against Christ rather than being silent before Him, looking to His laws, rather than inventing its own fictions?  Why should the wife behave any differently toward her husband? “Let a woman,” Paul writes, “learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet.” (1 Timothy 2:11-12).  It is a horrifying thing to see a woman so much as once in her life to strive to be over her husband; she ought in everything to be in subjection to him, and to do everything she does as if her ability, license, and authority is from her husband.  This is her glory, to be under him, just as the church is under Christ; “she opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (Proverbs 31:26).

Taking on immodest apparel or behavior.

      This is evil both outside the home and inside.  Outside, it not only gives a poor example, but tempts others to lust and vulgar behavior.  In the home, it offends a godly husband, and encourages ungodliness in children.  So, “women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire,” (1 Timothy 2:9-10), and, “do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands” (1 Peter 3:3-5).

Do not think, however, that because of the subjection I have just discussed, that I intend women should be their husbands’ slaves.  Women are their husbands’ yoke fellows, their flesh and their bones, and he is not a man that hates his own flesh or is bitter against it (Ephesians 5:29).  Let every man “however, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33).  The wife is master of the house next to her husband, and is to rule all in his absence: in his presence, she is to guide the house, to bring up the children, provided she does it so that no adversary can reproach her (1 Timothy 5:10, 13).  “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. A gracious woman gets honor, and an excellent wife is the crown of her husband,” (Proverbs 31: 10, 11:16, 12:4).

Objection: But my husband is an unbeliever. What can I do?

In that case, what I have said is even more important for you.  Your husband as an unbeliever will be even more watchful to take your mistakes and weaknesses and throw them as dirt in the face of God and your Savior.  He will be apt to make the worst of each of your words, actions, and gestures, and all this will harden his heart even further and prejudice him and cause opposition to his own salvation.  So Peter said, “wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives” (1 Peter 3:1-2).  Your husband’s salvation or damnation is strongly influenced by your manner and behavior before him.  So, if there is any fear of God in you, or any love for your husband, seek to win him to the love of his own salvation by your behavior full of meekness, modesty, holiness, and humble behavior toward your husband.  By doing this, “how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband” (1 Corinthians 7:16).

Objection: But my husband is not just an unbeliever, he is very prone to be contrary to God, to be easily irritated, and quick to anger. I don’t know how to speak to him, or behave in front of him.

Indeed, there are some wives in great slavery because of their ungodly husbands, and we should always pity and pray for them so that they may be even more watchful and careful in all their ways.

1. Be very faithful to him in all the things of this life.

2. Patiently bear his unruly and sinful behavior: remember that you are alive in Christ and he is dead in sin; you are principled by grace, he is principled by sin.  But, seeing grace is stronger than sin, and virtue is stronger than vice, do not be overcome by his vileness, but overcome it with your virtues (Romans 12:21).  It is a shame for those who are filled with grace to be as careless with their words as those who do not have that grace: “whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly” (Proverbs 14:29).

3. A wise woman will observe convenient times and seasons, if at any time you want to speak to your husband for his conviction, concerning anything, whether good or evil. There is “a time to keep silence, and a time to speak” (Ecclesiastes 3:7).  Now for the right timing for your intentions, here are some thoughts:

  • Consider his disposition, and approach him when he is the least in the thrall of those sins that are so bothersome to you.  Abigail would not speak a word to her disagreeable husband until he was no longer under the influence of alcohol, and was in a sober temper (1 Samuel 25:36-37).  If you don’t take heed of his disposition, that’s why so much of what you say seems to be ineffectual.
  • Talk to him when he’s being loving and friendly toward you, and when he proves his love and delight in you.  This is what Esther did with her husband the king, and she prevailed (Esther 5:3,6; 7:1,2).
  • Notice when he is seized by conviction, and follow his conviction up with sound and serious words from Scripture.  This is similar to how Manoah’s wife dealt with her husband (Judges 13:22,23).  Even then, a) let your words be few, and b) let nothing you say be domineering over him, but still take care to speak to him respectfully as your head and lord, pleading and entreating him, and c) speak in such a sympathetic spirit, with deep and obvious affection for his well-being, that the entire manner of your speech and behavior toward him is itself an argument that you are speaking in love as one who is aware of his misery, and enflamed with the desire in your soul for him to be converted to Christ.  Further, d) follow your words and your behavior with prayer for his soul, and e) continue to keep your behavior holy, pure, and modest before him.

Objection: But my husband is an addict, a fool, and can’t even hold down a stable job.

Still, you must know he is your head, your lord, and your husband.You must take great care that you don’t want to steal his authority.  He was not made for you, for you to rule over him, but he was made to be your husband, and rule over you (1 Timothy 2:12, 1 Corinthians 11:3, 8).So, even though you may have more discretion and ability than he does, you have to keep in mind that you, and all that is yours, is to be used under his authority.  Even “everything” (Ephesians 5:24).  Be careful that what you do is not done to your name and your credit, but to his; not to your praise but to his; arranging everything so that by your hard work and wisdom, no one may discover your husband’s weaknesses due to your actions.  “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones” and, “she does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life” (Proverbs 12:4, 31:12).

Therefore act, and behave, as one who is under the power and authority of your husband.


As far as your behavior to your children and your servants: you are a parent and an employer, and so you ought to consider yourself.  Because the believing wife is a figure of the church, she ought, as the church, to nourish and instruct her children and her servants, just as the church.  And, actually, the wife being always at home, has a great advantage in this task – so do it, and may the Lord prosper your obedience.

Mothering, Time Management

The worst version of myself.

Julie / September 2, 2012


On one of my favorite chick flicks, You’ve Got Mail, at one point Tom Hanks’s character asks, “Do you ever feel you become the worst version of yourself?”

Oh, boy, Joe, do I ever.

I am exhausted much of the time.  I am pregnant quite a bit, too.  Even on a good day, my brain has four separate threads dedicated to each one of my four-and-under children, making sure they aren’t drowning in the toilet or secretly acquiring diaper rash.  If you’re lucky, my kids are elsewhere or amusing themselves happily so that I can sit down and have a nice conversation with you… more likely, though, my kids are crawling all over the place (and probably in cahoots with your kids, should you have any), and 75% of my mental powers at any given moment are completely dedicated to watching them.  But even if they’re being little angels (or absent!), my brain is just not used to grown-up conversation anymore. I’ve gotten really good at repeating myself, and my memory has officially gone on vacation.

In other words: I am one of those horribly rude Mommy-people who occasionally leave off in the middle of sentence, and never return; who talk a lot about poop and throw-up, regardless of whether or not you are also a Mommy who likes to talk about such things; who struggles to talk about current events (what are they and why on earth should I even care?); who struggles to talk theology because right now I’m clinging to all my might with the nitty-gritty of the Gospel that even a five-year-old can recite… and that’s probably not what you were hoping I’d contribute to your Bible study.

In short, I think I probably come off really self-absorbed, because I probably talk a lot about myself, my family, and whatever current child-rearing adventure has reared its head, and because I have an almost complete inability at this point to actually pay attention to any kind of real, linear conversation.

I feel like I have become the worst version of myself.

At least I hope this is the worst.  I’m forever plumbing new depths of how fallen I can be.

Exhaustion, in particular, has been a really profound learning experience.  I can even be kind of psycho, at the end of week of stomach-bug-induced sleeplessness followed by a week of trying to restore some kind of order to our house.  Or at the end of two months of relentless morning sickness surrounded by toddlers watching my every heave.  I didn’t know I could be such an unreasonable person—surprise!  Sleeplessness is the mirror that shows us our wretched selves.

I’ve begun to look at it like this is when I am having trouble not sinning.  This is when I have trouble not being quick to anger.  This is when I have trouble keeping my mouth shut.  This is also when I have trouble stringing together a coherent sentence.  This is when I have trouble listening sympathetically.  This tiredness, this distractedness… this is making my sin real.  It makes it come out to play.

So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?
(Romans 7:21-24 ESV)

It’s always good to be thrown helplessly into the arms of grace.  I appreciate that it makes me appreciate my Savior, appreciate my own inability.  It’s pretty easy to pass for a nice person when we’re refreshed and happy all the time, isn’t it?  It’s hard to be a nice person when we’re grumpy and tired.  It’s hard to be kind.  It’s hard to be a good friend, even; it’s much harder still to be a good wife and a good mother.  It’s like a pot with tiny flaws being constantly held up to the light so they can’t escape notice.

Maybe one day I won’t be tired and distracted anymore, and I’ll be able to do a better job of hiding away all these flaws that are magnified right now.  In the meantime, I’ll keep struggling with them, and struggling to improve them, to “depart from iniquity” and become “useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work” (2 Tim 2).

And feel free to tell me I’ve talked enough about poopy diapers for the day, and help me talk more about the things that matter.  My brain might relearn old paths and I might be able to speak intelligibly again. Smile


January Angel Food Meal Plan & Recipes

Julie / January 26, 2011

It’s finally finished, almost two weeks earlier than last month’s! My goal is to have the February plan up before the ordering deadline, so you can order the boxes after you get a good look at the plan. But this is what it is, for January:

January Angel Food Meal Plan and Recipes (single page, much better formatting)

Ordering: This plan uses the 2 Bountiful Blessing boxes and 1 S3 (premium fresh fruit and veggies) box.  Total $105.  The only thing I’m using that’s not in the 2 BB boxes is some of the vegetables, so you could just buy the 2 BB boxes (total $82) and buy the produce at the grocery store for probably less than $10.



  1. If you’re only going to the grocery store once, at the beginning of the plan, cook the recipes with celery, bananas, and/or fresh bread first.  
  2. I’m using some of the same recipes as last month, because I didn’t actually get to cook them thanks to the arrival of number 3.  I won’t usually repeat recipes that fast.  Exceptions are the Sausage & Potatoes recipe and the Blackeyed Pea Soup recipe, which are just really good (hearty, healthy, yummy, and inexpensive) recipes that we actually want to eat as often as I want to cook them!
  3. I divvied up some vegetables, but a couple meals still need the addition of a can of green beans or something.


Goal: As usual, to feed my family of five (including three little people) 30 meals, while buying little from the grocery store.  I’m not using the hot dogs, the fruit, or the meat box in the plan, and we’ll give away one of the bags of fries.  This also doesn’t use nearly all the breaded chicken–I’m still learning what to do with it.  This plan feeds 28 meals.  I’ve been trying to find somewhere to squeeze out the extra meals, but the truth is that we don’t eat that many meals a month at home, that there will be some leftovers anyway, and that I really don’t want to squeeze out the extra meals this month–I like the recipes I’ve picked!



from box

from pantry

from store


1/2 Fully-Cooked Meatballs


Pasta Sauce

parmesan cheese



Peanut Butter Baked Oatmeal

quick oatmeal




baking powder



peanut butter


Crockpot Black Eyed Pea Soup

*freeze half*

Sweet Italian Sausage

1 onion

1 cup diced carrots

6c chicken broth

italian seasoning

1 c diced celery

1lb dried black eyed peas

Stuffing-topped Pork Apple Skillet with Sweet Potatoes

Bone-In Pork Chops



sweet potatoes

Balsamic Vinaigrette

brown sugar



Sausage and Potatoes

Breakfast Link Sausage





French Dip Sandwiches

and Fries

*reserve leftovers*

Choice Beef Netted Roast


soy sauce

bouillion cube

bay leaf




french bread

Beef & Barley Soup

leftovers from French Dip




beef broth

1can diced tomatoes



1c quick-cooking barley


frozen peas

Meatball Orzo Soup

1/2 Fully Cooked Meatballs

½ bag yellow squash and zucchini

2 eggs

chicken broth


lemon juice

3/4c orzo pasta





Stir-Fry with Sauce and Rice

Breaded Chicken Breast Assorted Pieces




Beef-Flavored Rice & Vermicelli

assorted vegetables

stir-fry sauce (e.g. La Choi sweet & sour)


White Chili and Cornbread

1lb Lean Ground Beef

Northern Beans

Jiffy Cornbread Mix


1c medium salsa

1c frozen corn

8oz jalapeno pepper cheddar cheese


1/2 Fully-Cooked Meatballs


Pasta Sauce


Parmesan cheese


Italian Sausage Soup

Sweet Italian Sausage


northern beans

½ bag yellow squash and zucchini


beef broth

1 can stewed tomatoes

2c spinach

Roast, Potatoes, Carrots, Onions

*save leftovers*

Choice Beef Netted Roast






Roast Beef Hash







heavy cream

Lasagna and Green Beans


Green Beans



Moist Cheddar Garlic Oven-Fried Chicken and Peas and Carrots

Split Chicken Breast


Sugar Snap Peas and Carrots



seasoning salt

dry bread crumbs

cheddar cheese

parmesan cheese

Herbed Chicken and Tomatoes and Yellow Squash and Zucchini

Split Chicken Breast


Yellow Squash and Zucchini

2 cans italian diced tomatoes



1 envelope savory herb with garlic soup mix

parmesan cheese

Chicken Nuggets Parmesan and Green Beans

Breaded Chicken Breast Assorted Pieces

Green Beans


1 jar pasta sauce

parmesan cheese

mozzarella cheese

Pork Chops with a Maple-Mustard Glaze and Cornbread

Bone-In Pork Chops

Jiffy Cornmeal Mix


chicken broth

maple syrup

dijon mustard



2tsp heavy cream

Sausage and Eggs

Breakfast Link Sausage




Meatloaf and Rice

1lb Ground Beef




Beef-Flavored Rice & Vermicelli







Crockpot Black Eyed Pea Soup

*from freezer*




Hearty Harvest and Ham Stew





olive oil


celery seed

caraway seed


1lb ham steak

3c greens

Lasagna and Sugar Snap Peas and Carrots


Sugar Snap Peas and Carrots



Baked Banana Oatmeal

Quick oats

2 eggs


brown sugar


baking powder


chocolate chips

3 bananas

Meatball Subs and Fries

1/2 of Fully-Cooked Meatballs


pasta sauce



Grocery List:

  1. rolls
  2. french bread
  3. 3 bananas
  4. celery
  5. 1lb ham steak
  6. 1 jar pasta sauce
  7. 1 envelope savory herb with garlic soup mix
  8. 1pk chicken stuffing
  9. 1c medium salsa
  10. orzo pasta
  11. quick-cooking barley
  12. 1lb dried black-eyed peas
  13. pint heavy cream
  14. mozzarella cheese
  15. parmesan cheese
  16. cheddar cheese
  17. 8oz jalapeno pepper cheddar cheese
  18. frozen corn
  19. frozen peas
  20. 3c + 2c greens (spinach)


Cost-cutting tips:

  1. both the recipes that call for heavy cream could be substituted with milk
  2. making your own sandwich rolls and french bread is much cheaper than buying them
  3. you can find a recipe for the soup mix here
  4. I will probably substitute regular cheddar cheese for the jalapeno pepper cheese, since we buy cheddar in bulk
  5. the recipe comments have instructions for substituting regular barley for the quick-cooking kind

Happy eating!