I find myself perplexed as I consider E’s increasing understanding and curiosity about spiritual things. Like I said in an earlier post, there are tiny little pieces of the Gospel that she grasps. And like the very title of my blog attests, she’s already a sinner. She already needs Jesus. She’s rebellious, and I dare say that her behavior is already worse than I would hope for in a regenerate child. So, if Jesus came back today, is our wonderful little two-year-old already set for hell?
I honestly don’t spend very much time pondering the subject. I know that God is both gracious and good, and that the ultimate course of her life is already written and wholly unalterable by me. I know that in heaven I won’t struggle to praise Him for sending even those nearest to me into an eternity of judgement and pain. But I do find my heart sharply pricked by one little phrase in Scripture: come, Lord Jesus! Part of me–still a sinner!–wants to temper that cry with a “not yet.” Don’t come back until our children are Yours, Jesus.
It doesn’t seem like a terrible error. I can still scoff at people who say foolishness like “but I want to get married before I go to heaven,” right? After all, I’m not putting some vain earthly pursuit ahead of my earnestness for Christ, this is my children’s salvation I’m talking about. And it’s not like I’m not still looking forward to Christ coming back, I just want our kids to be out of limbo-land first.
I was really convicted yesterday about this. Eternity is about Christ, not who else He brings there, and nothing must stand between me and my longing for that day, longing to see His face, longing for His glory to be made known from the furthest reaches of space to the depths of the earth. I should want our children’s salvation so that their voices would add to His praise, not because I want to hold onto them.
I never cease to be amazed by my ability to be distracted from Him.